Tips for handling financial disagreement in a relationship

Unless you’re fabulously wealthy and plan to spend your time with your partner taking lavish vacations and relishing your financial acumen, money probably doesn’t sound like a very romantic topic. For many couples,money and financial issues come up only when there’s trouble, and some people steadfastly avoid discussion of finances until they’re several years into a relationship. Financial disagreements, however, are one of the most common causes of stress and arguments within romantic relationships, and play a major role in many divorces.

If you and your partner disagree about how to manage money, the time to deal with the issue is now. Waiting until there’s a major conflict can spell disaster for your relationship and your finances.

USE THE RIGHT ACCOUNTING SYSTEM

Don’t allow yourself to simply fall into a financial management system. Take some time to figure out what works for you. If you have vastly different spending styles, try getting separate checking accounts. Use these accounts for discretionary purchases, and then put money for shared expenses—such as vacations or a mortgage—into a joint account. This way, you’re sharing expenses, but you have some discretion about purchases for yourselves, gifts, and impulse buys. If, however, one of you tends to overspend or keep secrets regarding money, a single shared account may be the best way to ensure you’re staying on track. Don’t be afraid to try several different methods until you find something that feels comfortable and right for you.

BE HONEST

You might be embarrassed about all that debt you racked up in college, or afraid your partner will judge you because you like designer shoes. Lying about money, however, can doom your relationship—some money experts even use the term “financial infidelity.” If you’ve kept things from your beloved, it’s time to come clean. If, however, you’re beginning a new relationship and you’re unsure of when to share financial details, reveal them as they become relevant. But avoid lying, even if it means admitting you’ve made some mistakes in the past.

MAKE SHARED FINANCIAL GOALS

Developing a shared budget and long-term financial goals can help you both get motivated to rein in the spending and start saving for a rainy day. Sit down with your spouse and talk about retirement, investments, planning for kids and college, and how you’ll fund vacations and other luxuries. If you know how you want to spend your money, it will be easier to keep day-to-day financial issues under control. Sitting down to come up with a joint plan can bring you closer together, enabling you both to have a voice in your financial strategy.

DON’T EXPECT COMPLIANCE

There’s no single “right” way to manage money, and adopting a “my way or the highway” attitude can even be a form of emotional abuse. You don’t have to like or understand how your partner spends money. As long as he or she is not wrecking your long-term financial future, cut him/her some slack. Each of you should have some discretion when it comes to daily expenses and disposable income, and neither party should be allowed to act as financial dictator. When one partner takes control over financial decisions, it can lead to financial secrecy and chronic conflict.

LIVE WITHIN YOUR MEANS

No matter what financial management strategy you choose, living within your means should be a primary goal. This can mean different things to different couples. Some might choose to aim for complete austerity, never buying anything extra until they’ve paid off every last debt. Others might work toward paying down student loans while building up savings to buy a house. If either of you is spending recklessly, however, it’s time to have a serious conversation about what it means to live within your means and how you can get the spending under control. It might not be a fun conversation, but it can save you from serious relationship problems down the road.

References:

Four tips to help communicate with your spouse about money. (2013, February 4). Equifax Finance Blog. 

Love & money: 25 financial tips for couples. (n.d.). Wife.org. 

GoodTherapy

Different types of enemies that we all have

Haters, one of the most abused words today, especially on social media.
But that doesn’t mean haters do not exist, we all have someone we do not like or people who do not like us

We’ve summarized these people who do not like us or we do not like in categories, here’re the various types.

1. THE VIRTUAL ENEMY

Since social media has become a thing, we have haters on there too who, no matter what you post will have something negative to say about it.

These people will point out the mistakes and try to battle you out on your ideologies simply because they do not like you. It’s usually people you haven’t even met in real life.

2. BAD CUSTOMER SERVICE ENEMY

Let’s face it, we all have that one company that ruined our service so badly we hate them with a passion even though we do not ditch them, we continue to complain about their bad services. Usually the Telcos.

3. ENEMIES BY ASSOCIATION

There is always that one person you hate not because they are actually your enemies but because they are enemies to your best friend or relative. You hate them because your friend or relative do not like them.

4. FAMILY ENEMIES

We all have that one aunt, cousin, uncle or distant relative we hate with a passion because of their behavior or something your parents probably told you about them.

5. FRENEMIES

There is always that enemy who was once your best friend but because they betrayed your loyalty, you become sworn enemies.

Source: trueceleb

Poem: Relationship advice

Relationship counsels

Diamond,the size of the ring
Great joy your love will bring
But for my crooked voice, I'd sing
Of a Queen for my friend the King
.
I am in love with your love
I like the way you look alike
I'd hate to see lovebirds apart
Together forever through slim and fat
.
I pray your life be sweet and home be merrier
Like moon is to cheese and honey the sweetener
I hope the Queen ,the King will cherish her,
Herself treasure him and let not a treasurer
.
Stay partner away from temptresses and temptation
Keep afloat,alive the connection since inception
Live everyday in reflection of life and Love's celebration
Terminate whatever could cause pact termination
.
Let no crowd spoil the party
Hold fast, take not disparity lightly
Be wary of meowing cats, they are crafty
Pay no mind to barking dogs, tread calmly
.
Greatness they say begets greatness
Sire charming princes and lovely princesses
Call em royalty, tiglons and ligers
Spawn of the great lion and the majestic tigress

#This piece is dedicated to all to-be and would-be couples, may love keep love alive
Do not use this piece without the author's consent.
Plagiarism is heinous theft of genius thoughts

Written by Oladele Taiwo O.
Katoonspeaks

Reasons Why some Guys Find It Difficult To Approach A Lady

Have you ever wondered why some guys are so shy when it comes to talking to a girl about their feelings?
Though, there’s no way you won’t have a doubt of mind before approaching a lady but shy guys do think and sometimes shy guys do the unexpected.
Sit back and enjoy the Reasons why shy Guys find it difficult to approach a lady.
1. Awareness Of Body Flaw
Shy guys keep counting their bodily flaws, then they can’t never make it, as far as talking is concerned.They do keep thinking of how short or thin they look or certain flaws they feel their body have, that made them feel shy and find it difficult to approaching a lady.




2. Waiting For The Right Moment
A perfect moment that never comes.They do keep waiting for the perfect moment they’ll easily approach her.There’s hardly anything as a perfect moment, and shy guys who keep waiting for the perfect moment would never get it right.
3. Fear Of Rejection
The fear of rejection is one of the many reasons shy guys find it difficult to approach a lady.To these guys, it’s better to remain where they are than to be rejected.
4. Bad Experience
Almost every guys that’s shy with ladies has had at least one bad experience with lady that have even made him enter his shell the more.A lot of previous bad experiences add to make shy guys scarced to approach a lady.
5. Fear Of Not Knowing What To Say
To guys like this, they find it difficult to think what to say to a lady after approaching her.In their mind before approaching that lady— the music that plays in their head is; “What If I Go There And Don’t Know What To Say?”.
6. Lack Of Confidence
A lack of confidence would unable them to do anything.They do forget that confidence makes them look attractive.
Last buh not the least.
7. Afraid Of Being Getting Slapped
This is very common among shy guys.A smart and confident guy shouldn’t be afraid of getting a slap from a lady he wants to approach unless you step beyond your boundary… 
You can definitely add to this list, just man up and talk to the girl before you waste more time thinking what if

The 14 Best Things About Having a Boyfriend

 

 

1. No more fumbley, weird "I don't even know what you like" first-time sex. That's not to say that boyfriend sex is fool-proof but your odds of having someone accidentally pull your hair because their stupid elbow was on it go down by a lot. 

2. He can not reply to your text and you won't go into a panic attack shame spiral wondering if he's ghosting. You can say "he's probably just busy" and know for a fact that yes, that is why. It's like having an oxygen tank at all times. 

3. You always have someone to zip up the back of your dress so you don't have to do that weird acrobatic arm thing. Even if it is probably good for your deltoids or something. It still blows.

4. You always have someone to split food with for those days when you feel like ordering like a monster but then remember you have a normal human stomach. And then on days when you somehow have a superhuman stomach…

5. You have twice the food always. Oh what's that? You're not hungry? Guess who is? It's me!

6. No more Tinder dates to run screaming from while wearing shoes that are really hard to run in. Plus, no after-work drink dates means you can actually get through the work week without a hangover from hell. Hello, productivity and a general lack of nausea. 

7. You can do any embarrassing thing on the planet and he will still think sun shines out of your butt. Which it honestly could. You don't know. You can't see down there.

8. You finally at long last have someone to suffer through family dinners with. There is no better feeling than kicking your boyfriend under the table when your grandad straight up starts eating that huge bowl of gravy with his own spoon.

9. You get to double date with your friends aka you get to spy on you friends' boyfriends to make sure they're good enough. And run over the data you have learned with your boyfriend to make sure you didn't miss any 

#facts.

10. There will always be someone to like your selfies. You can now post freely without fear of Zero Likes.

11. You automatically have approximately 40 percent more space in your brain because it's not begrudgingly focused on meeting The One. Obviously this much of your brain isn't focused on that but jesus christ, sometimes it feels like it's supposed to be and it's exhausting.

12. Valentine's Day is no longer a day of chalky candy-filled dread. It might be a day of excited joy or a day when you both do the same things you always do, but it holds no power over you any more, so suck it, VDay. 

13. All the time you used to spend online dating can now be spent on doing things that make your soul happy. Instead of killing it with a machete because jesus christ, one of these has to be good, right? (Not really). 

14. Couples costumes! I'd be lying to you if I didn't say I've had a lot of ~*iDeAs*~ about this lately, so FYI, next person I date: I have a whole list of potential couples costumes. We're set for three years, minimum.

 

How Can You Tell if a Guy Is Ready to Settle Down?

Here's how you know if a dude is ready for a real-deal relationship or still playing the field.

When is a man ready to settle down? The answer is not always as obvious as we might like. In a culture as visual as ours, we demand the most conspicuous of tells. If a guy is covered in maritime tats and wears Warby Parker specs, he's probably open-minded and down with composting.

If you spot truck nuts dangling from his jacked-up Ford F-350 Super Duty, he may feel that "the old ways are the best ways." Sadly, unless a dude picks you up in a minivan that's not his mom's, the clues about his readiness for long-term commitment won't be as blaring as his Coexist bumper sticker.

As a married guy, I can tell you that I felt ready at the exact moment my now-wife told me that she wouldn't be dating me for a fifth year. #Romantic! What can I say? I'm a recovered louse who wised up to a good thing. But I often hear about my sister's — and my wife's girlfriends' — dating debacles. And based on these tales, I understand that the struggle to find a quality guy who wants something serious is real — scary real.

There is a popular theme that seems to run through many of their stories. The dudes they link up with are either "not looking for a relationship right now" or "trying to get my life together" or "just not in that place right now where blah bity blah, blah…" Or whatever handy victim-of-circumstance lines men use to avoid emotional intimacy.

Perhaps you've dated these kinds of guys. From what I've observed (and overheard from people on dates at restaurants), any baggage you might hold from wasting time on "commitment cowards" surfaces in those tense moments when two newly dating people gauge their respective levels of emotional availability. When a lady drops those very honest "Are we on the same page?" questions on a dude — "Do you want kids?" "Why didn't your last relationship work out?" — it's clear she doesn't want to waste a minute more on a guy who can't lock it down. I've noticed these questions tend to put guys on the defensive. But why? I mean, beyond the obvious answer: Men are emotional larvae.

Women are, of course, entitled to honest answers to these queries, but because many men boast sensitivity levels that would make a toddler take pause, may I suggest asking a different set of questions entirely. For instance, instead of asking if he wants to get married, ask if he has been going to a lot of weddings lately. A guy whose friends are settling down around him will have lots of wedding invites. Which ones won't? The dudes whose friends are all single and think happiness is being facedown in a cabana at a Vegas pool party. Or try this alternate line of questioning: Are people in his family hitched and happy? It's possible your guy could be an outlier, but if his relationship role models are parents whose marriage ended badly, it stands to reason that he may be unsure about taking the leap himself.

But from observing the relationship patterns of my guy friends and coworkers, I've developed a wholly unscientific theory that I think blows all other theories out of the water: If you really want to know if a man is ready for a committed relationship, ask him how his career is going. Sounds weird, I know. But as far as I can tell, there seems to be a strong correlation between a man's readiness to settle down and where he is on Career-Goal Mountain. Traditionally, society has expected men to be providers. And until we are able to reasonably provide for more than just ourselves, many men feel inadequate. And it's this feeling of inadequacy that informs a lot of guys' dating behavior. For instance, I know plenty of young, ambitious guys: writers, entertainers, bankers, developers, doctors. Once they enjoy a little career success — a promotion, some actual stability, or a big break — their world is bright and they become open to all kinds of possibilities, including settling down. That's when they get engaged to the girl they're dating. The rest, who haven't caught the brass ring or aren't excited about where their careers are going, often forestall marriage endlessly in interminable relationships, Tinder hookups, or porn searches. In short, if he's not feeling satisfied with his level of success or his place in the world, he's not going to be ready to settle down with you … or with anyone for that matter.

There are caveats of course. If a dude just isn't ready for commitment, there's a chance that once he gets a whiff of success, he'll redeem all his miles for a one-way ticket to Doucheville. Likewise, I've seen situations where a guy is in a comfortable relationship for years, and once he experiences a career surge, he up and decides he wants a fresh start with someone new — through no fault of his girlfriend. But unscientific as it is (I'm not an expert, but I was on MTV's Guy Code!), I'm confident that most men have a relationship sweet spot, and it has a lot to do with meeting the internal goals they've set for their career and finances. If you meet a guy during that time in his life and you want long-term love, the odds are in your favor. And if your man isn't ready to commit, please don't think that you're at fault. He may love you, but if you're not someone he sees as a part of his future, you need to make him a part of your past.

Guys on commitment

"I want to have a dependable full-time income and most likely own a home somewhere. For me, that comes before marriage."—Kayode*, technician, 28

"What did my parents' relationship teach me about marriage? Don't do it. Or at least make sure your relationship is really strong before locking it down. Because unwinding it is ugly."—Marcus, sound engineer, 35

"A lot of people my age are starting to get engaged and married. It's not something I'd want to rush into. Personally, I'm not emotionally mature enough right now. Even if I were dating someone who I thought was the one, I'd wait until I was a little older." —Derayour, teacher, 24

*Names have been changed.

The 10 Habits of Long-Lasting Couples

The 10 Habits of Long-Lasting Couples

What you MUST be doing to make sure you guys go the distance.

We've all swooned at the adorable stories of couples who spend their whole lives together, and are just as much in love with each other in old age as they were right at beginning. But what is their secret? How do they manage to maintain, and strengthen, their love through the years?

Well, psychiatrist Mark Goulston has published his advice. Read on to discover his 10 tips for lasting relationships:

1. Go to bed together. This doesn't mean go have sex every single night, but rather go to bed at the same time. Dr. Goulston reckons that "happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times" even if one gets back up shortly after. There's nothing like a bedtime cuddle!

2. Work out your common interests. It's fine if he loves rugby while you're into painting, and you shouldn't even worry if the thing you find most boring is what really gets him going. But Dr. Goulston reminds us that the initial passion won't last forever, so you need to make sure there's some substance behind your relationship.

"If common interests aren't present, happy couples develop them," he says. "Don't minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting and prevent you from appearing too dependent." Got it.

3. Hold hands. Next time you're out together, make sure you're in sync by holding one another's hand. A public sign of affection, Dr. Goulston advises that it's a sign of real comfort. "It's more important to be with your partner than to see the sights along the way," he tells us.

4. Always trust and try to forgive. Obviously this depends on the severity of your disagreement, but as a general rule Dr. Goulston thinks it's key to make "trusting and forgiving, rather than distrusting and begrudging" your default setting after an argument.

5. Focus on what they do right, not what they do wrong. Positive reinforcement is an age-old concept used with children and even the training of animals. But it's still important for fully grown adults too. So compliment your partner when they deserve it and try not to look for things they do wrong. "You can always find something," Dr. Goulston says.

But that works both ways; "If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive."

6. Don't forget to hug. Dr. Goulston urges us to hug our partner every single day (if circumstance allows). "Our skin has a memory of 'good touch' (loved), 'bad touch' (abused), and 'no touch' (neglected)," he explains. "Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the 'good touch,' which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world."

7. Say "I love you" and "have a good day" every morning. Seems obvious, but it's an important one. Saying something caring like that first thing will set the other up for their day. "It's a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines, and other annoyances."

8. Say good night, every night. Regardless of how you feel. Never go to bed on an argument. According to Dr. Goulston, even the gesture of saying good night "tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident."

9. Check in with them throughout the day. Calling your partner to see how their day is going is "a great way to adjust expectations so that you're more in sync when you connect after work." So if your other half has had a nightmare of a day, you know what to expect. And you can probably get the Ben & Jerry's, in an attempt to cheer them up.

10. Be proud to be seen together. We know there's a line between a sweet show affection and blatant PDA, but Dr. Goulston reminds us that a display of tenderness in public is important. "It's not showing off, but rather just saying that they belong with each other," he tells us. And that's quite nice.

This advice was originally published on Mark Goulston's website.