Dear Growing Girl

Dear Growing girl,

If you are reading this, then good for you.  I’m about sharing some secrets with you. I know you are going through some challenges that we call ‘Girl Problems’ right now, and you are a little confused, wanting to talk to someone , but you don’t know who. Sometimes,you feel its even better to bottle it all up inside you. The lesser people you tell, the safer your secret. Oh well, Yes, I support you too.

First of all, before anything else, you need to know you are unique, Yes, a Unique being. No one else is like you. You are so special, with special abilities that there are a few things in you, and about you that you cant find in any other person if you search and search the whole world. You were created specially, that no matter your flaws, there are some beautiful things in you, both outer and inner that someone else, and lots of other people wish they had. This is one secret that many girls your age don’t know. As a growing girl, people called me ‘Stubborn’, people said I argued a lot and called me a stubborn person, I withdrew into my shell, and I tried to hide my personality simply because of what people said. Though the ‘stubbornness’ was still a little obvious, I tried to deny it. I could argue so well, argue and argue until the opposing party gave up. One day, my mentor asked me a question, “What don’t you like about yourself”…  I told her I hated the fact that people called me a stubborn lady. She laughed and said “Darling, I think you need to change the name people call you. You can turn your flaws into your greatest asset” I didn’t understand what she meant, so I asked her to explain further. She said “If your definition of being stubborn is standing your ground on a particular matter, then I want to be ‘stubborn’ too. If people say you are stubborn because you don’t give in to their own will or opinions, then I want to be ‘stubborn’ too. Darling, you can call yourself ‘STRONG WILLED’ not ‘stubborn’. You will only need to make adjustments by not arguing blindly or being flexible. Discard what people say about you being stubborn. When they call you stubborn, tell yourself, ‘I am not stubborn, I am strong willed’. A strong willed person sets a goal and makes sure she achieves it. A strong willed person stands her ground even in shaky conditions. A strong willed person sticks to her principles. A strong willed person doesn’t conform”. That day, my mentor opened my eyes to the beauty of my so-called Flaw. I worked towards being what and who a strong willed person is.

From that moment onwards, whenever anyone called me ‘stubborn’, instead of shrinking like I used to, I just smile and tell myself ‘I am not stubborn, I am strong willed’. When they call you ARROGANT, smile to yourself and say, ‘I am not arrogant, I am CONFIDENT’. This is not to say you should be proud. When they call you SLOW, smile to yourself and say ‘I am not slow, I am CAREFUL’. When they say you are DULL, smile to yourself and say ‘I am not dull, I am THINKER. It so happens that the smartest inventors and greatest success stories history has ever recorded were termed ‘DULLARDS’. Where are the so called smart classmates of theirs today?? No one knows them.  Do not let anyone put you down. Anyone who does that is beneath you, he or she is scared of you, and wants to prevent you from overtaking, so his best option is to make you feel terrible about yourself, so that you will remain where you are. The secret to having a healthy self esteem is self motivation. When you wake up every morning, and before you sleep at night, speak these words to yourself: “I am the world’s greatest”. See yourself fulfilling your dreams. Fantasize and imagine yourself doing that thing you have always wanted to do. It worked for me. Be a dreamer first, before you can be a visioneer. Don’t mind those people that mock with the sentence “Joseph, the dreamer….keep dreaming and wasting your time”. Its very okay to dream. Statistics have proven that the more you fantasize, imagine and dream, the more motivated you become, and the more closer you are to achieving your dream. The moment you stop dreaming, you are finished.

Another secret you need to know as a girl is that any boy or man who loves you will not ‘lure’ you to have sex. Only a girl with a low self esteem allows the sweet words of a boy get her into bed with him. If you are a teenager, or in your early twenties  and he says he wants to marry you and take care of you, hence you should sleep with him, run away from such a man. He is up to no good. I fear for growing girls these days because a lot of them fall for these wolves. I have heard a lot of stories, some narrated to me by the victims themselves, others narrated by a third party, where the man had sex with the girl, thereby taking advantage of her body and leaving her to suffer emotionally. Don’t listen to that boy, don’t listen to that man. Focus on yourself please. You are better than a satisfying material for a man’s pleasure. You are too much to be an ordinary play thing in the hands of a man. If you have already fallen victim, don’t worry, no need to give up and become a sex object. You can get going. A child who is learning to walk falls several times but doesn’t remain on the floor, she stands up again and keeps trying till she gets it. That’s what you should do. I have a friend who fell three times, she is back up now, and she is very fine. My darling friend got pregnant for a teenage boy when she was 15 years old. As usual, typical of boys, he left her alone, ran away never looked back (This is why I don’t want you to trust any boy, they are usually up to no good). Her parents threw her out as a result of shame and anger, she was left alone in the cold streets of Lagos. She met another guy who took her in and promised to take care of her and the unborn child, but ofcourse, typical of them, he was gonna get sex in return for that. (Do not seek help from a guy or man, I repeat, please don’t ever seek help from a guy. Most times, they give a condition, one that has to do with your body). So, he kept sleeping with her, even after she gave birth. Since she had nowhere to go, and he was he one feeding her, she continued to stay with him, until my darling friend got pregnant again. At this juncture, she wanted to kill herself, she just hated herself and was so ashamed that she got pregnant for another man, barely 2 years later. Because of the love God had for her, despite her flaws and mistake, and because she was supposed o have a wonderful future, God prevented the poison she drank from hurting her and the unborn child. She landed in the hospital of course, but nothing happened to the baby, because when he was born 9 months later, he was a beautiful bouncing baby. This is to show you that God created you for a purpose, you mean so much to him, and his great love for you won’t change even when you mess up. This is another secret many girls don’t know. When they make a mistake, they give up, and believe they will never be able to make up for it anymore or that they will never amount to any good. My darling friend, with two kids became a burden to the man who had taken her in, the man who was the father of her second child. He started to maltreat her, eventually he told her to leave his house, but leave behind their son. She had no choice, afterall, she couldn’t feed herself, not to talk of feeding two extra mouths. Besides, the boy was gonna be with his father. So, she left her son with his father and left with her daughter. 

Again, my friend met another guy. A very rich one from a rich family. Being a very beautiful lady, she had a lot of men after her. She tried to wade them off for six years, but she eventually fell for the rich guy, probably because she felt she was old enough to settle down. However, she made a mistake of giving him sex simply because he promised her marriage. She became pregnant again, and to her surprise, the guy who promised her marriage ran off again. She was back to square one. Fortunately for her, she knew his family, so as soon as she put to bed, she went to inform his parents. They didn’t welcome her, but gave her some money to atleast cater for the child’s needs. She fixed herself up, put her feet down and chose not to allow her mistakes hinder her from achieving her dreams of being a singer. She eventually met her own man, while she was getting busy correcting her mistakes, who loved her without conditions. Today, she is a successful career woman despite three kids. So, who says your mistakes are the end of the road for you?

….For mentorship and any form of help, as a growing girl, you can contact us via mail on graciellapersonalityshowng@gmail.com or through whatsapp on +2347069609474.

More secrets will be shared shortly.